I was at a Halloween party last night, feeling particularly “removed”. This morning, it occurred to me why…
I’ve begun to view my life and my self in three phases: Pre-cancer Cliff, Cancer Cliff and, presumably, there will be a post-cancer Cliff. Only, I’m not sure who he’ll be quite yet. It’s unfortunate, that cancer seems to have the ability to define a person, but it just seems to be the way it is (I’m assuming I’m not completely alone in this…survivors, please comment!).
When I’m around my friends, it isn’t much of a problem – they knew Pre-cancer Cliff, they understand my situation and have been great help to Cancer Cliff. They don’t see me as *only* Cancer Cliff. But what about new people I meet? They don’t know I’m not really bald (or dizzy or numb or kind of tired-seeming). They don’t know I have cancer. They never knew pre-cancer Cliff. So, who am I with them?
That was last night’s problem…I wasn’t sure who I was or who to be in a mixed crowd of past and potential friends. I didn’t want to be just Cancer Cliff.
There you have it…another unexpected side effect from those ghoulish mutant cells that, I’m afraid, will haunt me in spirit long after being physically eradicated.
I look like Homer…but feel like Cancer Cliff. What to do? Hold onto Marge, of course!
Cliphoma 
[…] during Round 1 (in October 2012), I wrote about “Who Am I” and the Cancer Identity Crisis. Here at the outset of Round 2, it has occurred to me that […]
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Hi,
I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?
Thanks,
Cameron
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Cameron, so sorry, but I only just now saw your request! Am I too late?
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Those are some deep thoughts for Homer Simpson.
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Hey, be whoever you neeqd to be – just keep coming to weekend round up at starby’s :). Actually, post cancer changes everyone – the patient, the friends, the family – makes you appreciate and cherish what you have. See you son, bud
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I think you are on to something…”Who Am I?” the title of your first post cancer book! And most importantly… There is nothing better than holding on to Marge during all three phases of Cliff!
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You’re just Cliff — the one we love!
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You put on a happy face and don’t tell the new people you meet that you are post cancer. If they become good friends then you can tell. Let me tell you something, they will either love you for who you are or you don’t need them a friends. There you have my view of the situation. LOVE YOU AS YOU ARE, not who you were precancer or cancer Cliff or post cancer. You are who you are and that will never change.
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Are we a product of our surroundings (what people think of us) or a product of where we came from (family and genes)? Of everyone I know, you’ve made about the best of what you’ve been given and I have no doubts that you’ll make the best of where you’re heading. BTW, could your clouded thinking be the beer, LOL
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