Cliff’s CNS Relapse Situation
- Keytruda isn’t working: paralysis of my eyelid and left side of my mouth which started yesterday, make it clear the Lymphoma is attacking the brain stem
- I am starting chemo today: the chemo has been effective in the past at slowing/halting the progress of the Lymphoma in the CNS. I can only do this for a couple of weeks, then I’ve hit my chemo limits.
- There might still be the possibility of continuing Keytruda while getting chemo, but to no clear cause
- We need to manage quality of life when the Lymphoma inevitably continues to advance: with each loss of functionality, a decision has to be made whether any action will be taken to deter it from its natural course
- As long as I am aware and able to interact, it’s all manageable
- If not, then it is time to move on
Time to Move On
Tracey and I have built an incredible family together. We’ve never known what “it takes work to make a marriage work” means, as partners from the start without even a rough patch. We have incredible kids who are extremely close to their Mom. By 2005, when I was 45, the financial future of the family including top universities and retirement was taken care of.
The kids know ALL about their Dad. They have him fully inside. They know his stories from early childhood through the present. They know his lifelong friends. They know “what Dad would say.” Their kids will have a complete picture of who Grandpa Cliff was. They know me and have internalized me in a way that I never did with my Dad and few kids do with theirs.
Who could ask for anything more?
This plan is all about just getting as many quality weeks as possible and minimizing the suffering of my family and myself as things draw to a close so that the grieving and rebuilding can begin. I have a clarity and closure to my journey through cancer and life that is a tremendous relief to me. What I ask is that you join me in that acceptance and enjoy every bit of time we have left together.
Cliphoma 
Dear Cliff and Tracey,
So many people have expressed exactly what we feel after reading your blog that we cannot add much more. Thank you for sharing. Your courage, optimisim, humor and love of family and friends is an example to us all.
Our prayers and thought are with you and your family.
Karen and Herman Drees
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Dear Cliff and Tracey,
I spoke to Yolanda the day before Thanksgiving and she told me that you and your three would all be together with them for the holiday feast. It was wonderful for you to be there with Lenny and Yo and continue living every day as fully as possible. All the comments express so well my same feelings of gratitude and inspiration that knowing you and following your voice has brought me. I send my love to Tracey. I have known her since she was a very little girl and she was always special. She seems to know what is the right thing to do. Her quiet ways were always both mysterious and mature. I regret being so far away and not seeing her. Please keep holding each other. There are many folks out there who care and support you.
To every precious minute,
Rose Lee
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Cliff, I’m so sorry to hear that the Keytruda isn’t working as planned. I know you will stay strong and explore all the options. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have strenghtend my resolve to enjoy my family to the fullest measure. Thanks for your strength and example for living. Bruce
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Peace be with you Cliff. I admire your strength and feel the love and support from Tracey. She is an amazing lady and you must feel very blessed to the amazing kids you raised.
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Our Hearts Hurt. XO
Gregory & Trisha
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Dear Cliff,
We are saddened by this latest turn of events but encouraged by your “attitude of gratitude”.
You have had an amazing partner in Tracey. Together you have created and launched 3 bright, loving and responsible children who will make this world a better place.
Your contribution to this planet, through your own work and that of your children will be felt in a positive way for many years to come. Job well done, my friend!
Thank you for sharing your journey so others can learn how to move forward with hope and dignity. We wish you more special moments with your family and loved ones in the days ahead.
Love, Bruce, Jeanne, Misha and Josh
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Cliff-
Tom and I have known you since high school and have only recently reconnected. I regret not spending more time with you and your wonderful family as Tracey is amazing and you are the most honest and authentic person I know. The way you’ve handled your cancer battle has been an inspiration. Reading your blog and our recent visits have reminded me that love, family and friends are what truly matter in this life. As your friend, I will try to do as you ask and “accept” what is happening but I am also hoping for a miracle.
Love,
Leslie
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We’re in your corner, Cliff!
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Cliff, we wish you all the very best. “Where there is life, there is hope”.
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Cliff, we wish you all the best as you go through this difficult time. “Where there is life, there is hope”.
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Cliff, your approach to life and all that comes with it is an inspiration to all. To seize every moment like you have with optimism and strength puts everything in focus and in the right perspective.
You are incredibly strong and I wish you and your family continued strength.
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You are and always have been an amazing person.
We all missed you so much when you departed for 8th grade to Las Vegas.
I’m so glad to have had the honor to re-connect with you a few years ago.
As a neurologist I am very moved by your calm demeanor and acceptance.
As a friend I am beyond moved.
Love is a hard word for a man to say to anyone let alone another man, but I do love you and I suspect I am not at all alone in feeling that way
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With friends and family at his side
Sharing Cliff’s wild cancer ride
United shaves and conversation
Yields hope and strength and aspiration
Memories made they shan’t forget
Good trumps bad through time, and yet
When to move on is hard to know
To ask for more, to stay, to go?
The course of life sails in a realm
With Mother Nature at the helm
Winds of science may spark debate
She steers instead by stars of fate
Cliff rides along horizon bound
Past Passion Point and Wisdom Sound
He waves in thanks to those on land
And knows that they will understand
He’s grateful for the time he’s won
He lives in them for years to come
It’s love he gives, it’s not goodbye
It’s why he lives, it’s why we fly
Phil
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Cliff, I never had the honor of knowing you as a close friend but I am honored to have a glimpse into your life. You are living each day and are leaving a legacy to last a lifetime and more. I know that for sure as do you. I am so sorry. I would like to say… The chemo has its own demons as you know. Take the breathes you have, feel the earth beneath you and the love that surrounds you. Do that one more thing that makes you feel I LIVED! And know even little me, who hardly knows you and your family will always think of you with love and admiration. Let your family know I can be reached at anytime. I am here always and would welcome them into my life as only one who has been there can really understand. Thank you for you and the you shared with so many. It is an honor.
Love,
Susan
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Cliff, I’m so saddened to hear you are losing the battle. It sounds like you’ve been fighting this with everything you have. It also sounds like you’ve had a great support system of family and friends standing by your side. I wish you happy times for as long as you can have them. I’m a better person for having known and worked with you and will always remember the times we had at IDI and Ixia. God bless you and your family.
Steven Seed
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You are correct…You and Tracy have done an amazing job raising such beautiful, thoughtful, kind and bright children!
During this holiday season, we just want to tell you, Cliff, how thankful we are for your friendship over the years.
Happy thanksgiving to the entire family!
With love and continued support,
The Farkas Family
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Cliff,
You are a truly an inspiration for what it means to be an amazing, passionate Father of a beautiful, loving family.
A hero to 7.125 billion and growing
“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another – Albert Einstein.”
-Brian Washington
If there is one person I know to defy Einstein, show him that ‘cliphoma’ can be destroyed, and have one’s body recreated back into a perfect system…
It’s you!
Brian
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My mom and I are sending you prayers and positives thoughts. Much love to you and Tracey and the family for a memorable and happy Thanksgiving.
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Wishing you all peace, love and acceptance – followed by deeper peace, deeper love and deeper acceptance…
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Travel safely, Cliff. Thanks for sharing the journey. Have a happy and special Thanksgiving !
PCS
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Cliff,
This is disappointing news, but as always your insight and perspective are inspiring. The silver lining I intend to take from this message is to focus on enjoying my family, all together for this holiday, because none of us get an infinite supply.
Seems like you’re in a good place to focus on giving thanks this Thanksgiving. I wish the same for all your family and friends there.
Larry
From: Cliphoma <comment-reply@wordpress.com> Reply-To: Cliphoma <comment+phuyd6dq1pdo96rn-8xgrfr@comment.wordpress.com> Date: Wednesday, November 26, 2014 at 11:16 AM To: Larry Lang <llang@larrylang.net> Subject: [New post] Clarity and Closure
cliphoma posted: “Cliff’s CNS Relapse Situation Keytruda isn’t working: paralysis of my eyelid and left side of my mouth which started yesterday, make it clear the Lymphoma is attacking the brain stem I am starting chemo today: the chemo has been effective in the pas”
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Cliff, I am truly sorry to hear that. I’ll continue hoping that somehow things will work out positively and that you’ll have many more years ahead of you.
Nick Ambrose
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